everything everywhere all at once

hello. it's 00:21, i have 39 mins to write this down, i will try. i cannot stand missing one more imaginary deadline anymore. i've been missing to give the update here for 3 weeks, and in back of my mind, it was nudging me the whole time. because here literaly became my room that the longer i postpone writing, i actually feel like i am delaying being grounded. so it's eating me up, but all in a good way.

3 weeks that i missed, i've been travelling. and in between nothing i could do other than the laundry. first florence, then a week of trying to catch up in between, then stockholm. everything is a big mess at the moment. home is a mess, my table is a mess, my notes, plans, agenda, things to do. so my mind. and hoping to throw all here, will be a good start.

florence. this time with friends. dogukan booked an absolutely gorgeous airbnb right next to arno and the view was so good that we were rushing to home to watch the sunset everyday. this city is pure beauty. it's my 3rd time here, we wanted to make use of the may holidays in germany and was a good excuse to celebrate my birthday as well. i was actually meaning to read dante this time when in florence, as he has the quote of age 35 being the midway to lifetime. it's funny that he was also born in may. i have ordered a good translation but the book arrived after we got back :( so still to be read but even checking on his life brought much more of an understanding of the renaissance and the paintings in uffizi this time. the literature he creates, which actually got inspired by the greek texts, which the texts were taken to italy by the people of constantinople who were running away from the ottoman conquest, changing the direction of the art and freeing from the church. pretty interesting

also, i was thinking why davinci is so big, i got to learn a bit more but i am still not sure if i get the why exactly. i think he just got the corporate game well with the patrons lifelong, like being abundantly funded big time for just playing full time with best of the era, in the best of a place, with only the best players who keep grinding for innovation. and also wtf that he writes notes in mirrored way? obsessive left handed people..

anyways, we ate good food, good art, and plenty of a summer joy by the terrace.

then coming back i don't even remember that week, basically was about catching up the work, doing laundry, scrolling along.

then went to stockholm for the company's 20 year anniversary. it was epic. 6k people flew in for the week long event and it was intense to catch up with all the people i have met over the years in person. thanks to this celebration, got to listen angine de poitrine live, i didn't know the band but they were super cool, loved the music. also, agenda was full of talks and performances but a live interview from arca, rei ami, amaarae where they talked about their creative process and the talk was super inspiring. arca saying that taking language only to generate music is a very low way of thinking, if you could take someone's body with all the suffer, all the process, all the traumas and background and the mind, then it's an acceptable "input" to ai generated music. and then rei ami sharing her corporate hannah montana lifestyle and how things turned out to be a baddie unexpectedly. amaarae said so many goodies but none stuck apparently, i should have taken notes. overall it was a spectacular celebration, and feeling lucky to get to celebrate with the people i love working with.

(btw 00:55, i was wishful with 39 mins)

now this week back to home. completely feeling a big mess. because first of all, i have signed up for a painting course for this month, which is only a 6 weeks of oil painting on fridays and i have missed all these 3 weeks. so not only on blog schedule, things are failing in real life schedule too. barely got into my routines of gym, work, commute, meal prep, etc. and this failing on painting course was eating me alive. i haven't even started drawing anything for the course and missing half of it was stressing me so much. and finally broke this cycle today and got there to start somewhere. although this was supposed to be a painting already but what we got is the drawing.

one thing i got happy about is that this time on my last minute inspiration collection, i have found the coherent theme with the lighting which gave me so many ideas that i can't wait to try it.

other than that, the whole 3 weeks of being here and there, not having any personal space in between was intense, that i feel like i need to sit still, watch empty walls for a month to come back to my own pace and routine again.

oh one magical thing happened in between. the week after florence we went out for a dinner with ardic, and i saw two girls, facing away from me, walking in speaking turkish which is not a surprise in berlin to happen. but i got a weird feeling that it could be nesli only because of her being tall with dark straight hairs (very distinctive hunches?!) i literally left ardic on the table without saying anything and started to walk behind them. and once i got close enough, i called her name saying "could you be nesli?" with literally 1% of confidence level. and she turned around, it was her! i was so happy to see her after literally TEN years. like literally found her in the street. thanks to both of our weirdnesses, we didn't have social accounts for some reasons for so long, we found each other in berlin streets. learned that she moved like a year ago here. both got psyched up about it and agreed to meet for next sunday. so we did. we talked like 10 hours straight to dust off the 10 years. it was so exciting. because literally just couple months ago, i was talking to ardic about how hard it is to find powerful, highly engaged girl friends somehow, and telling him that sometimes you find that girl but because of life reasons it was not the right time for you. nesli was one of them. we studied together and i loved her. but somehow life diverged us to different eras that we couldn't hang out as much as we should. and literally just couple months later, same life, made me find her in the streets. feels so magical. happy to have her here now, can't wait if this era gives us the chance.

so that's a wrap. at least the blog part of the weekend is done ✨ (01:21. i am literally dying. gym in the morning, 25k steps whole day, 3 hours of painting class after being stressed about it for 3 weeks.) i will go get some sleep and hopefully put my life together this weekend. seeya.