rounded words

weekend is never enough, this post was written on a very monday day :grimacing:

now that i have some number of pages here, i started to get the doubt of if i have shared the same thing before. did i share that this summer was maybe the best summer of all in berlin for me? these days i am walking tons, in the morning, during lunch break, after work. and it fills me so much with summer that this year it doesn't make me panic for it lasting only 3 seconds. the people watching, the smell of linden trees on karl marx allee, ice cream shop queues competing with clubs. plenty of days for flip flops sound ✿

keeping up with lena's famesick book, i am getting nervous that i will finish it one day. and the problem now with listening the audio is that i can't mark the quotes. i might read it once again from the hard copy just for that reason.

and because of the book, i am so deep in her content recently and trying to understand my extreme fangirlness. i feel like it's the people with rounded words, more words, people living always on grisaille of descriptions, not saying things as is, as direct, as stripped down to facts or simple thoughts and carrying onto next? like they walk around the thoughts layer by layer, not in an overthinking manner, just for the art of depth. also she is so brave in life that she lives true to herself by exposing all inner jokes out loud, even on tv, no matter if it will be understood or not.

a quote from one of her interviews, tell me if you can that it's not true?

the worst feeling is when you’re dancing joyfully and then you accidentally hit your head on something and you’re so embarrassed. that’s what i feel like being a young woman is.

also another line, from "too much" netflix show, which i just finished yesterday finally, not the greatest show tbh, but while reading the book, lena's life internalizes with this show to me. from this production she still gives the peek of how girls is tied to her life from casting to writing, to her role, and herself chosing a character that she is in a state of, like being in bed, feeling emotionally sick. she gives hints on her current life while figuring out, while creating publicly?

this teared me up from episode 6:

we are all just scrambling around, Wendy. looking for the home we only briefly had. you can't go back to a place that doesn't exist to a person that isn't there

another interview of her here, she talks about how young she was when she was writing girls and the joke she makes about "in guy years" 27 means 16, cracked me up :d (how gorgeus her outfit btw, from nastyamasha :drool:) and the other day me and nesli raging about men being stupid+superficial and how girlhood nourishes us, and how both she and i, we were fooled to get married to men unfortuntely and if we divorce later we would be lesbians clearly. ardic agreeing to fullest and he was sorry for us enduring this semi permanent decision meanwhile :d

what i think sometimes around this is that, a girl friendship where both sides choose to fight for a better engagement with the world, not chosing to delegate that to someone else in their life, is the most satisfying and the hardest to find because first you need to get there and then you find that person who alone got there, it's a very hard compound. but once it's found, you get high on how far you can inspire each other.

it's very sad that, we bury ourselves into dozens of different layers of norms, different customs and societal negotiations and we have to hide and shy behind those reasons, those roles, that finding people who tries to strip down from those is very hard to find. you need to wake up to each of those layers again and again and you need to rebuild yourself from all those tough to face realizations. and what's harder is to enable that for someone. it's such a personal path, that it's just disrespectful to indicate this to someone "as if you know it all". and all you can do is just keep on your way on. i guess we all have different durations to realize that and it's not our fault. i wish i would have more straight statements here to be louder but even at this level i get self concious saying these since i am the most vanilla person ever in many sense. but as the quote says, we are all just scrambling around, we are all trying to figure out at the end.

talking about rounded words, layers on expression; tuba's new video is another praise worthy watch from this week. a bit of nerdy fashion but, she has so much influence on me the way she is scientist about what she cares, shares, thinks, expresses. about fashion neuroplasticity. i don't know if i have shared it but this channel might be one of the triggers making me need of a space like this blog actually.

as hooked to fashion posts this week, this post was a gem, too bad that this blog in general mostly paywalled: about color analysis being bullshit. love reading about fashion.

another thing is that, i am once again thinking if i should mirror the posts to substack. but then even thinking i feel like it's too much exposure and the vibe of that space with people connecting and paywalling. there, it's about audience, here it's about witnesses only and not sure how to get best of both worlds. i need some sort of commenting and following to discuss with who wants to follow and/or has thoughts from here but so far i couldn't figure that out without breaking this isolated vibe here. i guess i just like talking to ai bot scrapers mostly :d :D

and the highlight of the week, to what i was devoting my friday night was an absolute beauty, ezgi sending a voice postcard. she was asking if i would be interested to experiment sketching from a voice memo. she describes where she is and you sketch by listening. it was like an expert level difficulty for me where i tried 0 landscape previously but it was SO fun. and what a beautiful idea is that?